Et Vous?

Does it ever happen to you
You have titles but no themes
You have ideas but no content
Your head throbbing with thoughts
But your hand paralysed without words??

Your mind whirring in a daze....
All memories effaced..
Does it??

cCIRCLEDd

Some days just dont start right. The alarm goes off alright you wake up alright but then you dont end up doing anything good out of those hours of sacrificed sleep. At least i rarely do. After being jarred out of my not so peaceful sleep I ended up dozing on top of my books. Every night I promise myself never to wake up early before an exam but i just always end up waking up dull and early. So now sleeping over books has become an accepted essential ritual.

The daily dose of sleep done today i needed an extended half an hour which was spent curled up in bed. By that time morning had dawned. I had read two lines about Marxist criticism and slept for one and a half hours. All I was now left with was now an hour and about five answers to revise. Not happening! So two answers are done as i think rest can be done in the car on the way to my exam centre. A hurried breakfast which just added to the butterflies trouble in my stomach. Im out of my house by 9.Peace! thats what even i thought. But wait. The day just had to get bad. So the roads are choked.The highway was full of vehicles. No way Im reaching my centre by road on time. So I was forced to take the crowded not-an-inch-to-place-your-foot trains that are sooo popular in my city!Travelling in these monstrous compartments in peak hours is my ultimate nightmare come true!But it had to be done. So there goes my huge plans of revising those answers. after a stiffling half an our of partial nervous breakdown in the crammed confines of the stupid local i set foot on the much dreaded not so commuter friendly station. But thankfully this time i reached the destination without goofing up. a huge sigh of relief!

With all my mounting unexpected bout of worries the plan of revising answers obvioulsy was thrown out of the train window. Jittery hands and tumultous mind were thankfully calmed before the paper. And as if a reward for all my pains and worries my paper went fine! i managed to do the prosody!!And it was right!!And the poetry was quite inane....im sure they picked it off one of these blogs...hey wait..we write better stuff than that.Ok moment of glory has passed. Its been a good day. All those surprising good luck wishes are really working! Im on a high! Most days that never start right often end right...mostly.

WAITING..(not) FOR GODOT

gobbledy gook
frampold
chatmate
bulrp blurp surlp

its just the beginning of an end
im already boredddddd
beyond wordssss
in fact it is the "words" that are driving me mad!!
i need a break from these holidays.
come monday and i can once again
experience the sheer ecstasy of putting away
one more huge overflowing seamless file of notes!!
monday blues?? not anymore for me!
at least tentatively.

LITerally speaking..

the count downs begun.
four days to go. and times zipping past.
i think an hour no longer has 60 minutes.
hmm..thats not really possible.

anyway procrastination seems to be creeping in slowly. words and sentences seem to be floating all over. things are not really that bad. i guess im just building it up to that. now look what you've done Mr Milton with your grand elevated style of the epic. and hey Mr Pope you too are just adding to that with your super inflated view of the world. egadd!!am i turning into a 17th century neoclassic freak?

while Pope and Milton continue to dazzle me with their magic ...and Shakespeare persists on evoking the latent sublime in me...Eliot only confirms my fragmented disillusioned vision with his "heap of modern images" of a cumbersome world. why Eliot why?? this world isnt that bad a place to be in! really...each coffee spoon you measured out is coated with a kiss of sugar too..not just pain.

i am happy. i am sad. i dont know what to feel now that iv reached the end of yet another horizon...i will just patiently wait for a new golden sunrise.

so long Pope!
so long Milton!
and hey Eliot.....
thanks for reminding ...but..
"hurry up please. its time"

RAIN DROPS....

the month of March. Now thats the month when things just start getting heated up in my part of the world. So ideally today like any other day in march should have seen temperatures soaring high with the sun beaming over us earthlings in all its glorious fury. But wait! A very very unexpected sight or rather sound rudely shook me out of my sleep early this morning. roaring tumultous thunder!!!! was it for real?? well apparently it was not just a morning dream..the rain gods seemed impatient to unleash their quelling clouds on us!

the floods seem like just yesterday and my life just seems to be propelling forward with amazing momentum.its just rapidly spinning past! but im not complaining.

going back to the unexpected but not really unsolicited sudden spell of rains.
a beautiful morning to wake up to. the sky was a little overcast but the refreshing look that evrything around me donned more than compensated for the gloominess. the very best was the wet smell of mud. thats my favourite thing about the rains.
next i love to watch the little droplets of rain precariously settled onto leaves and petals, ceasing to exist the moment you try to scoop them up into your palm.
the sun tried to assert its radiance in the skies for some time only to be cloaked by the grey clouds by noon.
its dusk now....the morning glory seems to have been replaced by a brooding melancholy.everything is soaked in the wetness of the virginal rains.those little drops of rain have lost their shimmer.

i know why. dont worry verdure the wind whispers that they aren't going to blow the grey clouds away..they are here to stay..at least a while.till your green soul is enlivened again.

ITS A BLOG!!!!

a nice little dinner party.
everyone gorging on scumptious food n sipping nimbu paani.
idle banter and amusing chatter flowed across the table.amazing bliss after a nasty gruelling week overflowing with not so pleasant deeds. so i was at ease and just beginning to recline in relaxtion when my apparent state of bliss came crashing in a moment.

a moment of public announcement of my(apparently not so secretive) BLOG by a not so discreet friend! ( dont worry i dont hate you for this)
a moment of exclamation. an extended moment of stasis. a moment of surprise...puzzlement.
collective choric gasps: "you have a blog?" "you have a blog?" "shit since when?" "you blog?"
and the inmcriminating "and you didnt tell!!"

OK SO ALL YOU PEOPLE WHO WANT TO KNOW THE DEPRESSING TRUTHS OF MY BORING EXISTANCE I DO HAVE A BLOG! AND THAT TOO A PUBLIC ONE!
why am i expostulating? i dont know. but i DO HAVE A BLOG!

anyway now that my little world of people knows about the existance of this little space that was for so long shrouded in secrecy away from the glare of judgemental eyes I cant really vouch for the genuiness of matter that is going to surface here. its alright being read and torn apart like a ruthless critic would, by a complete stranger.but the thought of your deepest direst inane thoughts being read by people you know is quite scary! you think otherwise? try creating your own blog with your name and linking it to all your friends..and while you are at it, why leave out your darling parents??

ok so again i have a blog.and yes people you are most welcome to read it criticise it think me wierd, foolish, jobless ,mudddled....wotever it may be.only be kind enough to follow the following instructions:

• dont read too much into my writings.you wont find anything there.its hollow.
• dont discuss my posts outside cyber space.
• dont discuss them especially with me over tea or over the phone.
• of course if you have words of praise and merit for my posts you are more than welcome to discuss them with me in great detail.
• since the above situation is highly improbable just stick to not discussing my posts.
• be kind enough to leave comments on my posts sometimes.
• continue not to detest me no matter what the nature of my posts

thank you.so i guess its official now?

THE TEA PARTY

it was a social do...a polite society tea party. all on their best (guarded) behaviour.i hate such affairs.but i admire the 80 year old womanfor whom it was organised. that is the only reason why i agreed to my granny's cajoling and coaxing to accompany her leaving behind john bunyan and Thomas browne languishing on those pieces of xeroxed paper...oh gawd the bloody answer!

its amazing how even a handful of people in a room represent a life torn by pain sorrow and suffering and yet manage to put up a brave happy front.
a husband separated from a woman he adored by death.

a man tormented by the pangs of a divorce only to be granted his rightful share of happiness in his newly wed second wife.

a mother straddling the dual roles of a parent only for her children.

a son..the son..there was something in those eyes vieled by his spectacles...a sorrow? a deep melancholy?anguish? its always been like that since he was ripped apart from his dear dear much loved mother by that gruelling force..death.despair?loneliness??
NO...i think it was a hope...a deep desire to live on.a desparate attempt to savour every fleeting second.for what if....we are over powered by that force yet again?

the old mother...mummy for everyone.she may be the oldest and frailest but i think it she who is holding her little family together.. strongly..with all her strength,vivacity,cheer,sweet little jokes and essential belief in the goodness of life inspite of having seen the worst.i admire her.
I look up to the father.
I hope for the son.