He softly pushed the stray locks of her hair behind her ear. His hand trembled a little. It wasn't his first time. His fingers had still not gotten used to the coldness of the metallic butt. The delicate curve of the trigger sent a thrilling tingle down his spine. She cast a fleeting glance of uncertainity at him. He gave a weak smile of reassuarance. Then, he softly dabbed the tip of a black felt pen on her lovely ear. He took aim. He squinted in the incandescence of the white light that the mirrors were reflecting. Her eyes were shut in anxious anticipation of a single numbing moment. He inched the barrel closer to the soft cartilage. He tightened the grip of his slender fingers around the trigger. Her eyes were still shut. He pulled the trigger. There was a loud Click. For a brief moment her face crumpled as she winced. It was over. She opened her eyes and smiled. The jewel shone on her now red, left ear lobe. Before leaving, she thanked him and appreciated him for his perfection.
He never told them that even he shut his eyes before every puncture he made. It was always a shot in the dark.
8 comments:
hey jen...the gun shot is too sensous..ahem... and scuttles the wild imagination of the reader.I can see this as a small signet of a gr8 writer in the making!!Enjoyed this blog..looking fwd to more!
aww..thanks :)will keep you updated.
btw..i wont blame the writer, if the reader has a 'wild' imagination :)
hmmm......i dunno wot to say.huge sigh...n a big hug!!!
truly the writing of a writer in the making :-)
@mishree and JD..thanks a tonne!needles me to write more :)
This one took me by surprise..
However, might I suggest you experiment a little with sentence structures and description?
I was sure that it was going to be a water pistol..(Holi) and a twist there was too :)
This passage reminds me of J K Rowlings style of ending each chapter with a twist that encouraged the reader to immediately dart his eyes on to the next..
@aps:glad it surprised you! im going to call you about the experimentation bit.
@JP:you know i've never read rowling successfully..i somehow cannot lap up so much magic and wizard-ery.and lets not forget the 'hype'.want to try and change that this summer.
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